The worst though is to know you are going to die.
My ear drums burst as a shot from a gun blasted. The feeling of being shocked back to reality? Alarming. The screamed filled air around me? Startling. My heart bursting out of my chest? Overwhelming. I forgot the world and ran. Keeping my breaths even was impossible. Already tired and wanting to collapse made me feel more adrenaline, more power to run harder. My feet hurt in a weird way. Bleeding. Numb. Cold. No time to think about that when it could be my last thought. Another shot. Another scream. Another life taken.
Sill running. Still scared still. Still trying to not think. Branches and twigs snapped and popped all around like fire crackers. I felt like giving in. My ears hearing every pound of my racing heart getting louder and louder and louder. I can’t give up. I won’t give up. If I keep fighting, keep running, even just a few more steps can mean everything, it can mean my life. Another shot. Another scream. Another life taken.
The colors of these woods blended together in streaks of greens and browns. No, my whole life was blending together. When every turn means life or death I start thinking way too much until I don’t think at all and just do; instinct almost. And even then, in that state of mind, random thoughts will pop into my head. ‘Is there safety?’, ‘Where to?’, and the one I do my best to avoid, ‘Will I survive?’ Am I insane for trying so hard not to think just one thought, giving up, then thinking about it so hard till it hurts so that I won’t be scared anymore? Only to have it backfire and start it all over again. Another shot. Another scream. Another life taken.
I ran into a problem, well a rock wall really. I couldn’t climb it. I couldn’t, no, I wouldn’t go back the way I came. But something inside of me made me feel like I was safe. Like I was in my home. Ignoring my feelings and thinking about my survival, I turned around to see my decision had been made for me. My fate faced me head on. Three men. One women. Four freshly loaded guns.
I moved only my eyes, I had stopped breathing already, analyzing each one as I lied to myself that I could take them when the all-knowing voice in my head made me face the truth. One of the three men stepped a bit ahead of the others. He smiled a smile that burned my eyes. Thought I didn’t blink, his husky voice attacked me with “I’ll take this one,” and then he chuckled a dark, dark chuckle. He waited for all the blood to drain from my face; I didn’t want to be taken. I would say something but the only word I could find were his, ‘I’ll take this one.’ I felt the worry and adrenalin being pumped through my veins and a cold sweat building on the back of my neck. He walked closer until his blood boiling breath was brushing my face. So this was the man that was going to kill me, the man that was going to kill me for no reason, the man that was going to kill me for no reason but to kill. Want to know the only thought worse than ‘will I survive?’ The worst thought is to know you are going to die. His hand reached for his gun with such movement it made me feel sick.
I didn’t hear the ‘boom’. What made me realize he had fired was that I was on the icy ground and a scream had escaped my frozen lips. Then I thought: ‘Another shot. Another scream. Another life taken.’ Although this time, it was mine. He watched as my conciseness drained out of me. Then I wondered what had happened to my shoes and that my feet hurt in a weird way. Bleeding. Numb. Cold.